Emrie

Emrie is 1 year, 4 months 1 week and 2 days old. 

She communicates with a series of grunts, yells, shouts, screams, pulls, and climbs.  She says 'hi' and 'uh oh' and 'Ana.'  Sometimes I get a 'mama' out of her.  She will randomly say other words here and there.  But nothing that she wants to keep saying. 

She listens like a champ, for example:

Emrie put all the stuff you just took out of the garbage back in the garbage can. 
Emrie stop throwing all of your food on the carpet.
Emrie stop pinching my face- be gentle.
Give me a kiss.
Shut it, close it. 
Stop biting.  Stop pulling Ana's hair.  Stop biting.  Stop pulling hair!  Oh wait.... she doesn't listen to those.

Speaking of- We get about 5 incident reports sent home from daycare a week.  Emrie bites.  Instead of speaking, she uses her pearly whites to put kids in their place.  It isn't a very awesome trait. 

She loves to be rocked.  But she doesn't like to swing much.  She LOVES bath time.  She LOVES to read books.  She likes stroller rides and wagon rides. She likes pushing her cart around.  She likes to take charge.

 

 She goes to bed at 7 and she wakes up around 630. 

At home she is noisy.  At daycare she is noisy.  Any where else she is usually very shy.  She won't make a peep. 

She looks just like her dad.  Although, I think she is starting to looks a little bit more like me.... maybe.

She is starting to be so silly.  She has so many goofy looks.

She is so so so great. 

Life with out her would not be complete. 

The Awkward Truth

In the last 6 months I didn't realize it but I spend almost 100% of my time with people that knew my story.  I never had to explain anything to anyone.  Everyone just knew. 

The reason I didn't realize it, is because finally over 6 months after Craig died some one asked... then another person asked...

To me this means several things.  I kept myself contained to people I trusted.  I stayed in my comfort zone.  I am finally ready to break out of the routine, the comfort zone and the security. 

But both times that Ana and Emrie's dad got brought up it was SO uncomfortable.  The first time... it was the very first time I had to explain it to an 'outsider'... and I did a horrible job.  It went something like this....

A dad at the park and I were chatting about his kids and my kids.  One thing lead to another after a 20 minute conversation I blurted out "they don't have a dad, its a long story."   I immediately thought WHAT THE HELL?  They have a dad!  Why would I say that?  What was I thinking?  Crap!  Its too late to go back to talking about it.  Damn it! 

I thought about it for days.  I apologized to Craig so many times.  I am over it now... (until I have to see that dad again at the park.)

I told 2 people about it.  Both times my friends said, I bet that guy was wondering if you got artificially inseminated.

Shit.
That was just dumb! 

The second time it was the head pastor of our new church.  Cassidy and I went to a dinner at his house with our 5 kids.  We were concerned (or thought it was funny) that we have the same last name and neither of us have husbands with us at any of the church functions.  We wondered if people would think we are a couple.  :-) 

Anyway, finally the pastor sat and spoke to Cass and I about our kids, where we live etc.  He asked, are your husbands here?  *********crickets chirping********  I pointed to Cassidy and blurt out "she is divorced."  He shook his head and said oh, ok.  I knew it was coming... he looked at me for an answer.  Asked if I was divorced too.  Cass said yes, I said no.   We both were choking on our words...  Finally I say pointing at the girls playing in the corners "their dad passed away, I'm sorry it is always so awkward to bring it up."  That was easy enough.  As a pastor, he didn't really get freaked out by the fact.  He just nodded and said "ok-  I would really like to have coffee with you two to learn more about you."

I know it will get easier and I am going to start expecting to get asked about their dad.  Mainly so I don't get a 'deer in the headlights look' before saying something super stupid. 

The point of all of this is:  Our truth is awkward, there is no denying it.  But, I am super pumped that I am finally getting back out into the 'world.'  It was a long winter of keeping to my comfort zone and sticking to routines. 

I'm getting a little crazy up in 'hurr'; watch out.  Who knows what kind of craziness I will come up with.  I might actually let the girls watch a movie on a school night.  (probably not tonight though, because honestly... its Thursday and Grey's is on at 8- So the girls will both be in bed by 7:55.) Tomorrow I might throw a little craziness out there (if you know anything about me, that craziness I am referring to could possibly be giving Emrie yogurt raisins for the first time)... I will keep you posted.

The girls in my bed before their bedtime.  Ana was "reading" to Emrie.  

Things Ana Says

I am going to try to make a point of 'writing down' the funny things the girls say.  Since Em has yet to say anything more than "hi and uh oh" I will keep record of Ana's quirky words for now.

As said by Ana:

• Mom do you think daddy is playing golf in heaven with Jesus and Mary?
• Oh Emrie are you crying because you miss daddy?  Remember he is here, we just can't see him.
• Me: Ana do you want me to spank you?  Ana: Yep  Me:(very frustrated with her- I spank her) Ana: Ok, now I am going to kick you in the face.  Me: (trying to be very mad with out laughing at the obvious words she learned from her older boy cousins)--- I walk away. 
• Mom I think I sing the best in the world.  You don't.  (Thanks man...She obviously hasn't really sat down and listened to my Operatic version of 'you've got to fight for your right to party')
• Famously she will end whatever she says by "right mom?"
• Mom do you have a baby in there (pointing to my stomach **through a very 'blousey' type dress** Me: NO!!  Ana:  well it looks like it. 
• Mom I am being so naughty right now because I am tired, ok?
• Mom Emrie keeps PUNCHING me.  (I think that is funny because Emrie is 16 months old... punching really?!?!)
• Me: Ana you are so awesome.  Ana: Your welcome.

To be continued....

New Day, New Blog

This is the start of my happy blog!!!!!

I am so excited to start blogging again.  So much has changed in my life in the last 6 months.  So much time has passed (but then again not really.)

I have so much to share.  I want to write about:
My girls (obviously)
My life, the changes.  How I find happiness, how I deal with sadness and stress.
Being a single mom.
And everything in between.

I needed to start this new blog because the weight of the old blog was too much.  That other blog was started out of sadness.  I have learned that for me (as fine of a line that it is) I have to get rid of the things that weigh me down.  Things that are posing no positive purpose in my life.  There are many MANY fun memories in the other blog and  I will keep it for the girls. 

BUT.... I think it is time to start fresh in the blogosphere. 

Today my girls are 3 years old (4 in 2 weeks) and 16 months. 

We have been rocking as a team of three for just about a year.

The girls' daddy has been in heaven for over 6 months.

The end of one thing brings the start of something new, so here we go......

Stay tuned.

:-)